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Anger
is Natural
Anger Lingers, it is your personal bodyguard. But it is
healthy? It is! But it is healthy only in a way that Anger
must run it's course. Anger is yet another example of an
obstacle we must overcome. Because Anger leads to
bitterness and a bitter heart is no way to live. Being
Survivors of any form of sexual violence it is easy to
understand that many of us carry such an anger within us.
In spite of how much life around us either un-folds or
grows for the better think of your Anger as a gleaming
light in the milestone of healing.
Anger Association
Anger is a way for us to get in touch with our true
feelings, when we are Angry about our violation we are in
grievance for it. Something was lost or stolen from a very
sensitive part of your soul, nothing can replace that and
we do understand, but you can feel whole again. A lot of
the times a certain word or phrase can cause our grief. We
are hurting and suffering just the same as anyone else
except in an emotional sense and that oftentimes becomes
tangled in a web between understanding and flat out
denial. So what I like to do is this.
Play a game with
yourself...
For example, 'Jamie' is very angry today because her
Mother called her up and said she did not understand why
she didn't tell her after all these years. but about a
month ago she was more supportive. This happens quite
frequently and is one of the best examples to portray
because this is one of the easiest ways for a Survivor to
feel angry. When we are convinced of something and
suddenly sling shotted right back into the situation but
with a different outcome. After Jamie hangs up the phone
she could calmly say to herself that she will talk about
this some other day, right now is her time to reflect.
Remember I said play a game? If Jamie takes every single
emotion she felt when she was speaking on the phone in
anger, and thought about those emotions as if they were
words in her mind and then took those words and associated
them with their opposite meanings the outcome would be
fantastic. For example: if you were feeling, bitter,
shamed, or sad think of Out-going, Supported, and Happy!
Already Jamie is feeling strong, more confident, ready for
the next time her Mother calls. Now this may not be much
of a game but to the life of a Survivor anything is fair
game. There are rules we need less complicated, factors
less severe, we represent chaos and yet we hold love so
deeply it's an amazing array of life imitating chemical
reactions. And mostly we have the ability to come from
Victimized to becoming Survivors in a more healthy skin.
Nothing could be better than that. I've used Anger
Association on myself many times in the past years. There
is a sense of joy that comes when you start to
automatically catch yourself doing it without thinking
about it. Then you realize your exercises are a part of
who you are and how you heal and that is a good thing.
There are benefits to how much more you do for your own
body. There is inner peace.
Taking It Out On Others
We would like to think it's okay to throw our words out
into the air to anyone who is in the way enough to reach
and just take them. But we have to remember as human
beings that they are human beings as well. Anger comes in
many forms, even in silent forms. Anger can be portrayed
by a look, a tone of voice, a gesture, a remark or blame,
perhaps a sudden outburst or a need to become violent with
oneself or with others. There is a difference between
taking your anger out on yourself and others and just
releasing your energy. When we say releasing your anger we
mean in a positive way. There are many ways of relieving
anger and stress without using your loved ones as target
practice.
Journal
Journal writing can be both therapeutic and memorable, you
can catalog and record all your daily stresses and stories
with the choice of being able to reflect on a later time.
Punching Bag
Believe it or not more people in the work place are
installing punching bags for the relief of stress during
breaks. I think it's also a wise decision for the house or
garage set-up for anyone who needs to just wham the crap
out of something within reach. Punching isn't a bad thing,
it's what you punch that matters. Taking it out on a big
bag never hurt anyone.
Hot Bath
Pamper yourself in a hot bubble bath. Dim the lights,
light a few candles, put the calm music on and really
enjoy your time with yourself. You can have a wonderful
hour alone by yourself and have not a worry in the world.
I find that Eucalyptus Spearmint Soaps and Oils are
universal scent, refreshing for everyone and it really
helps in the aromatherapy sense to ease breathing and well
being. You can find it at any 'Bath & Body Works' in the
mall.
Warm Drink
Have a hot cup of tea! Not everyone are tea drinkers so if
you have some coffee by all means. But try to steer clear
of any caffeine. There are teas and coffees that do not
contain caffeine, have a mixture of both. Something to
wake up to and something to relax to. Because there is
nothing like sitting down to relax with a cup of tea and
ten minutes later you're running around the house cleaning
like a mad person. Simply allow yourself to drift off into
it's flavor, texture, warmth, sit by the window or watch a
great positive themed television show, make sure it's
something you chose!
Community Help
There's nothing like being a part of any community no
matter how close or how spread far in the distance you are
you can always rely on a place to vent your feelings down.
Maybe a journal isn't your thing, men can you agree with
me? Hey, man or woman we all have different needs. There
are many
forums and
chat rooms on-line right
now for Survivors of Sexual Abuse and about 90% of them
contain sections just for your venting pleasure. Venting
on-line is positive, there is no negative effect. When you
release that it's gone, that part of your emotions has
just entered their realm, they are your support group now
and they are willing to stick by you as great listeners
and friends. I also like to believe in
RAINN for another
Community Help resource.
RAINN, the Rape, Abuse &
Incest National Network has the Nations ONLY Trusted 24
Hour Confidential Hotline for Survivors of Sexual Abuse,
1.800.656.HOPE. When calling
RAINN you are not only
getting someone who is willing to listen to what you have
to say and help you get through this, they are willing to
be there all night. So say you can't find anyone on-line
to speak to at this particular moment, call
RAINN! If you can become
familiar with the confidentiality you will becoming more
apt and able to comfortably talk to them from time to time
because of course the first call is always the hardest.
You have all our support.
Others Forms Of Self Help
Include:
-
Calling a Friend
-
Be creative With Hobbies
-
Taking a Walk
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Breathing Exercises
-
Listening To Music
When Others Don't
Understand
It's oftentimes mind numbing when you notice that someone
else doesn't understand. Especially when you're getting
angry because you are trying hard to get them to accept
when you don't want to talk about something as sensitive
as Sexual Abuse even if brought up in a movie or casual
conversation, sometimes it's okay not to talk about it,
hey that's a right we do have. What you have to know is
that you are even more in the dark than you may believe.
Imagine what it must be like for someone who is not a
Survivor of Sexual Abuse, has a completely opposite
personality than you, isn't as sensitive to words or
feelings, and the list goes on. They look at you just as
abnormally as we would look at them. I know for a fact
most of us ask "How could they possibly not get it?". The
answer is simple. Trauma especially in Children at an
early age for example embeds itself within the memory.
When triggered by a specific word, scent, reaction...we
react in our own emotional defense, placing up all sorts
of guards which are also at times noticeable on the
outside. When the person next to you feels un-easy don't
be afraid to give an explanation as to why you feel so
awkward and out of place. You never know if you'll get a
positive or a negative reaction but you will surprise
yourself when you speak out in ways without causing too
much attention to your situation. For example you could
reply and say "You and I grew up in entirely different
situations, would you like me to explain what I mean so
you can understand?"
Take Control
Be the boss of your own anger, do the research. Anger
can't always be cured in the form of a pill. It's
sometimes easy to turn those valves of heavy anger flow
off by simply allowing yourself time to understand others
around you and yourself as well. The one thing a lot of us
do first is go strait for things we shouldn't to help
relieve anger, violence, self-harm, taking it out on
others, drinking or drugs, blame ourselves, over-eat. No
there is a better kind of existence out there and it
belongs to you alone. You of course make your own
decisions and you are no less of a person if you have a
double chocolate cookie to help ease the pain or if you
have a cup of tea. It's all about positive re-enforcement.
Not by others but by you, by choice. You have the choice
to make your life feel better, start today, not tomorrow.
You deserve to get your life back.
Think Before You Speak
You've heard it so many times I know I have, "Think before
you speak". When I was a child I never understood this I
must confess, but I do now. How powerful are words? When
someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but
names will never hurt me" do you actually believe it? I
don't remember the last time I stubbed my toe but I sure
remember the last time someone said something horrible to
me. Words DO hurt, they do have meaning, they are more
powerful than anyone can imagine. Use your words wisely.
Think before you speak. It's not hard and in time you will
learn to adapt it to everything in life. We all slip up
and make mistakes, that is because we are flesh and blood,
I can argue like the rest of them ask my site partner
Brian. But I do believe we can all benefit from watching
ourselves. Kind of self clairvoyance if you want to call
it that. We know what our actions will bring as an outcome
before we even open up to say anything at all. Be patient
with yourself. If it takes you a minute to reply to a
simple "Hello" that is your right!
Love & Support, Haullie
sexual abuse,
domestic violence, rape, intimacy, relationships, self harm, self
injury, eating disorders, aftermath, women, men, help, support,
PTSD, safety tips, awareness, advocacy, survivors, child abuse,
partner rape, healing, triggers, guilt, shame, sexual abuse,
domestic violence, rape, intimacy, relationships, self harm, self
injury, eating disorders, aftermath, women, men, help, support,
PTSD, safety tips, awareness, advocacy, survivors, child abuse,
partner rape, healing, triggers, guilt, shame, sexual abuse,
domestic violence, rape, intimacy, relationships, self harm, self
injury, eating disorders, aftermath, women, men, help, support,
PTSD, safety tips, awareness, advocacy, survivors, child abuse,
partner rape, healing, triggers, guilt, shame, sexual abuse,
domestic violence, rape, intimacy, relationships, self harm, self
injury, eating disorders, aftermath, women, men, help, support,
PTSD, safety tips, awareness, advocacy, survivors, child abuse,
partner rape, healing, triggers, guilt, shame, sexual abuse,
domestic violence, rape, intimacy, relationships, self harm, self
injury, eating disorders, aftermath, women, men, help, support,
PTSD, safety tips, awareness,
advocacy, survivors, child abuse, partner rape, healing, triggers,
guilt, shame, sexual abuse, domestic violence, rape, intimacy,
relationships, self harm, self injury, eating disorders,
aftermath, women, men, help, support, PTSD, safety tips,
awareness, advocacy, survivors, child abuse, partner rape,
healing, triggers, guilt, shame,
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