Domestic Violence

I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence, and I am not alone. Through my years of Domestic Violence the only thing I can tell you is that yes I am also a Survivor of Sexual Abuse but it was the Domestic Violence, the on-going control and abuse I had suffered from in my past that will latch on to me the most. And most days I find it easier to simply speak about my Sexual Abuse rather than this topic for reasons I am still learning to get past it and I grow very emotional and withdrawn, but I acknowledge I need to heal from it. And so I'm starting a new journey and I hope you all will come along with me and inspire yourselves to heal from the past. -Haullie

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is any form of battery threatened or against a significant loved one or intimate friend. Domestic Violence is an even bigger Epidemic than Sexual Violence. It's masked under many years of torment and guilt.

Those who are in a Domestic Violence situation will find themselves controlled, intimidated and afraid. Oftentimes more alone even though they have all the family in the world. A lot of the time Domestic Violence is kept hidden under the rug and many loved ones assume that their family member has simply lost interest in their life or disappeared when in reality they are being held captive by the control and can only break free from that control from sheer will power alone and strength from within or pure intervention.

So what are some warnings to look for when we think about the issue of Domestic Violence?

Something is wrong if they...

1.) Blame you for his or her mistakes.

2.) Prevent you from seeing your family and friends.

3.) Curse you, Humiliate you or Mock you either in front or not in front of people.

4.) Force you to engage in sex and sexual acts that make you feel uncomfortable.

5.) Restrain, hit, punch, slap, bite or kick you.

6.) Intimidate or Threaten you.

7.) Prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job or furthering your education.

8.) Destroy your personal property.

9.) Behave in an over-protective way and become extremely jealous.

10.) Threaten to hurt you, your children, family or even pets.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse is a form of Domestic Violence because it's hurtful to the soul, it causes an emotional rollercoaster in a relationship and leaves a person with a feeling of hopelessness, isolation and fear of failure. It may also leave the person experiencing the emotional abuse to lose their ability to trust other individuals, or have a harder time opening up for fear they will be judged for it or caught "saying something they were not supposed to."

As in many cases of Sexual Violence Emotional Abuse is something that feeds on power and control. The person controlling can in fact lose control once the switch is flipped and we become more aware that we can fight back.

Some examples of Spousal Domestic Control are:

• Limiting Involvement With Others - Taking the car to limit where you go or who you make contact with, time limits on the telephone or obsessive tracking behaviors when you are out of the house.

• Isolation - Limiting contact with family and friends, or being persistent upon moving long distances away from those you know.

• Playing Mind Games - Denying the abuse ever took place and attempting to replace those issues with remarks such as "It was just a joke, you don't have a sense of humor".

• Control Of Finances - Keeps a tight notch on your bank statements, or doesn't allow you to function the finances at all. Or will take the spouses money asking the spouse to "ask" for an allowance.

• Jealousy and Anger - Quick and oftentimes emotional rages of jealousy and anger followed by dis-trust, questions, interrogation and blame for reasons unknown or not important.

• Puttering Him/Her Down - Intimidation, name calling, harassing and rude behavior against the spouse can cause their dignity and self worth to diminish.

• Using The Children - Threats to take the children away if the spouse does not "Obey" their wishes.

National Statistics

Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30-60% of family violence cases that involve families with children.

–"The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." J.L. Edleson, Violence Against Women, February, 1999

Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend each year to 4 million women who are physically abused by their husbands or live-in partners each year.

–Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

Violence by an intimate partner accounts for about 21% of violent crime experienced by women and about 2 % of the violence experienced by men.

–Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.

–Commonwealth Fund survey, 1998

It is estimated that 503,485 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year in the United States.

–National Institute of Justice, July 2000

While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.

–Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

In 92% of all domestic violence incidents, crimes are committed by men against women.

–Violence Against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Department of Justice, January, 1994

Of women who reported being raped and/or physically assaulted since the age of 18, three quarters (76 percent) were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabitating partner, date or boyfriend.

–Prevalence Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, U.S. Department of Justice, November, 1998

31,260 women were murdered by an intimate from 1976-1996.

–Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

In 1994, women separated from their spouses had a victimization rate 1 1/2 times higher than separated men, divorced men, or divorced women.

–Sex Differences in Violent Victimization, 1994, U.S. Department of Justice, September, 1997

In 1996, among all female murder victims in the U.S., 30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends.

–Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S. 1996, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1996

A child’s exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.

–Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, APA, 1996

The majority of welfare recipients have experienced domestic abuse in their adult lives and a high percentage are currently abused.

–Trapped by Poverty, Trapped by Abuse: New Evidence Documenting the Relationship Between Domestic Violence and Welfare, The Taylor Institute, April, 1997

Forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

–Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December, 1995

Females accounted for 39% of the hospital emergency department visits for violence-related injuries in 1994 but 84% of the persons treated for injuries inflicted by intimates.

–Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

Family violence costs the nation from $5 to $10 billion annually in medical expenses, police and court costs, shelters and foster care, sick leave, absenteeism, and non-productivity.

–Medical News, American Medical Association, January, 1992

One in five female high school students reports being physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.

– Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), August 2001

Husbands and boyfriends commit 13,000 acts of violence against women in the workplace every year.

–Violence and Theft in the Workplace, U.S. Department of Justice, July, 1994