Most people
believe that they are Feeling guilt and shame because they have put
themselves in the position to be raped. It doesn't matter where they are
or what they say. Not ultimately means no. We were forcefully turned into
survivors against our will which is now something we must deal with every
day. The Shame that we feel in the Aftermath of one's Sexual Abuse is so
strong do you know that most Survivors blame themselves for the act and
that if the Abuser stood not two feet in front of them Denying anything
had happened they would start to convince themselves that it was true?
That is how sick and twisted this Guilt and Shame hold has on every
Survivor. It isn't about them anymore it's about us. When do WE start
convincing them that we will not give in?
Guilt & Shame
are two of the most overwhelming, most
torturing feelings any Survivor must deal with. Our abusers may leave us
with the sense that we are Little, That we are Weak, Somehow not Good
Enough, Be-little Us to make us believe that we are the one's responsible,
that something is wrong with us. This effects everything we do in life, it
ultimately shelters are very existence.
Powerlessness
Shame rises
out of a sense of powerlessness, frustration and anger. As well as the
continual feeling of being in shock from the Aftermath of your Trauma. Men
and women both feel shame, but statistics show that women tend to show
more shame than men. But it's important to realize that shame effects
everybody, All Survivors and that this is a big issue and that you are not
to blame for what happened.
Even if the
Abuser is guilty of the crime and is sent to jail the chances of the
Survivor feeling Guilt or Shame in his or her own life time is nearly
three out of five Survivors. At least most of us feel this way. It would
be like walking into a store, feeling like you stole something when you
didn't steal anything at all. Like eyes were watching you the entire time.
The paranoia, the fear, the anxiety, depression, the sheer anger of it all
that comes with the Guilt and the Shame in the Aftermath for a Survivor
deals with the issue that we are not alone. We will never BE alone.
Learning to cope
We must
realize how to cope and move on from Guilt and Shame. What your Abuser did
to you gave them a sense of power over you. This was a physical act so in
a sense they wanted something out of it. They wanted to control you
emotionally above all. So try to think in a sense not to heal your
physical wounds but to try to heal your emotional wounds instead. What is
most important is that you are healing for your future now and letting
your past move backwards. It's okay to remember, but what's really hurting
now is your emotional side.
However if
you do suffer from physical wounds please see a doctor or an emergency
room for better analysis. You have every right to stand up and make your
voice heard, do not be ashamed any longer!
The Abuser was Lying
No matter
what we do or where we go in life a lie can catch us and break us. There
will almost certainly come a time in every Survivor's life if he or she
decides to confront their Abuser that they will ultimately Deny their
claim to abuse. Remember though, your shame has been carefully implanted.
That cannot ever be taken away.
The truth
lies between you and the abuser! No matter what the abuser says to you,
they are wrong. Remember they will say anything to you to keep you from
reporting them to anyone. As long as your shame persists, continues and
satisfies your Abuser the better your Abuser's needs are met.
Speaking
out about Sexual Abuse is never an easy issue for anybody in fact it's one
of the hardest there can be. Some of us are not as luck as others. Some of
us don't have many people to turn to but we have Hope and Faith. And if
you're one of those people, no you're not weak, you are not ugly and you
are not garbage in this world. You are somebody and we as Survivors will
all fight for you. Because we do not believe in Shame or Guilt. You can
heal from your emotional wounds.
And always
remember that you can sit and let them lie to you. But you can always look
them back in the face with the truth in your heart and in your eyes.