Rape and Sexual Abuse Survivors - Voices of Strength

Male Sexual Abuse

Facts about Men and Rape

Men get raped by other men

Rapists who rape men are heterosexual in 98% of the cases

Both homosexual and heterosexual men get raped

In all parts of society (not just in prisons)

Men are less likely to report rape

We have grown up for the most part believing that only women are the victims of the sexual crime of rape. Basically any form of sexual abuse. Most of us are taught that grown men do not get raped and young boys are the only "Maybe" in our society. If this is you let me be the one to tell you how wrong you've been taught. If you've journeyed this far knowing as a Survivor of sexual abuse let me first off say "Thanks!" I say Thanks because it takes courage to find help anywhere you can these days and in this society information about male sexual abuse is oftentimes very rare. Most men do not know where to go, who to turn for to get help. Let's be realistic here. How often do you see a shelter for battered men? Or a rape crisis center that devoted a wing to the Male issues? We have plenty of places for women to turn to, but isn't that obvious? We have been taught to fear only men. What about women? Are women unable to be feared? Are Fathers unable to take advantage of boys in their sleep? The truth resides in the heart of any male Survivor touched by this sexual crime. If you came here thinking only women could be raped you are only furthering the isolation of men and we hope we can shed some light on the issue for you to better comprehend.

Men go through almost identical issues as women do. With subtle changes due to their manhood as women have towards their feminism.

Feelings Of Guilt
powerless
concern regarding their safety
denial
shock
anger
Depression
Anxiety
The issues which differ for the Males are:
concerns about sexuality and/or masculinity
medical procedures
reporting to law enforcement
telling others
finding resources and support

Some Difficulties Facing Society:

Unfortunately Law enforcement officials have a hard time "Believing" or even proving for that matter cases where men have been sexually assaulted. It is even harder for homosexual males in their teens. And the hardest is on the children. Not many male children (1 out of 7) make it out of the tragedy of sexual abuse.

Not many Doctors or Nurses know how to deal with the situation of male rape. Where do we go from here? Do we fade away? This is not possible. Reason being, if we can help one we can help many. Sometimes Men are stereotyped and treated unfairly by many people who they ask for help due to masculinity issues. Which can leave the scar a little more painful than it was from the beginning. This closes of the male's sense to become close t anyone who he thought could help in the beginning thus we go into denial and denial causes depression in stages forming anxiety and long term effects, even mental illness issues. We oftentimes call this pent up anger. Sooner or later that anger will snap like a rod in a block of ice. All it takes is time.

Do Men Cry?

I have been asked that a lot of times by so many people. You know the only answer I can tell them is "Did God not make everyone with the gift of emotion?" Emotion is a powerful tool and I say "Gift" because that is exactly what emotion is. It is a gift. Without emotion we would all have pent up nothingness. We couldn't feel and we would all be vulnerable for the next pain to arrive and the next and so on. Emotion helps us deal with depression, crying helps us maintain out stress. Do men cry? Well, of coarse they do. Some hold in the tears when you do not realize it. But do not believe they do not when you are not looking. Some cry more often than others and some are able to show their emotions. It's all a matter of healing. We all heal differently and it is factual that men do not show emotions quite like women but I'll bet you my life they do feel the same effects emotionally as we do inside with a harder outer shell.

"Only Gay Men Are Raped!"

There is only one response to this one I've heard about 10 times in my life. I'll tell you a little secret. 75% of the men I have talked to in my experience of doing this web site were indeed NOT homosexual men. The other 25% were hesitant on telling me they were homosexual in the first place. So here is another plain Myth about male rape I'd like you to pay attention to. Numbers do not lie. yes homosexual males are raped, that is not disclosing the truth but not ONLY homosexual males are raped. In fact it is more common for Heterosexual males to be the victims of rape than it is for Homosexual males to become the victims of rape statistically. Especially if you factor in Child Abuse which is the most common and sadly un-told form of Sexual Abuse among Males.

What Can I Do Now?

Realize and recognize that both men, boys and homosexual males can be raped and will.

Be aware of the myths surrounding male sexual abuse.

Recognize that the harmful sex-role stereotypes which create narrow definitions of masculinity, as well as lies about homosexuality, make it difficult for male survivors to disclose about being raped.

As individuals and as a community we must work to combat and challenge these attitudes.

It is important that male rape survivors have support around them and that they be able to make their own decisions about what course of action to take.

It's extremely important for all men to realize the statistics surrounding their own sexual abuse. Even though the statistics have shown a decrease in rape against men it does not excuse the fact that this happens every day. This does not mean that in ten years we will have eliminated our planet from male rape issues. How often do you see gas prices change? Think of our society as one large fuel economy and see how rapid we change in our future. Hopeful for the best for coarse. Hopeful for better punishment and better forms of speaking out for all men.

Prevention:

If a male says "No" be respectful to that individual for the body is not your tool for pleasure or control, it is a sanctuary for the person who holds it dear to them.

Recognize the body movements of the other person. You should be able to tell if someone is uncomfortable simply by their actions even if they do not say a word out of fear that you will find them Un-Masculine and shy.

Communicate clearly about how you both feel and about what you want.

Confront men or women who are harassing the opposite sex on the streets, at parties, in the media, make your voice known, let yourself be heard.

Thank you for reading this passage and I hope it sheds some light on this fragile situation of the heart. I hope you came here today as a Survivor, even better as a supporter un-knowing of the knowledge and facts and have finally learned something along the way. Let us speak out!

Love & Support,